Bits n things

So I only ever blog when I am bored and stoned, and since those two things don't happen nearly often enough...yeah.

Anyoo just a running list of things I am/want/need lately:

1. Pretty much these pants:

These look like the Jessie Kamm sailor pants. I found these at Madewell but they were sold out so I bought these, these, and these. Haven't arrived yet. Guardedly optimistic that something will work. Considered the Everlane version but ended up passing because of the limited color selection and the fact that they sound stretchy, which is not optimal for containing my hips.

2. Nicole Guerriero's daily Vlogs
She got burned out on doing the makeup tutorials and has been uploading daily vlogs instead that mostly consist of her driving her massive Escalade through St. Petersburg, Florida while lip syncing the words to every song on the radio and eating way too many avocado egg rolls and playing with her cats. It sounds horrible but it's not because she's just real and funny and also seems like she gives really good hugs at her meet and greets.

3. LA 92 Documentary
There were like 6 documentaries that came out recently on the 25th anniversary of the LA Riots. This one is told entirely through news and eyewitness footage. No talking heads or voiceovers. It's really well done. And sadly, still timely.

4. Paris Hilton Nostalgia

Why not? We've already revisited other (W.) Bush-era fashions such as Juicy Couture, Adidas pool slides, and baby bags. Our early 2000s would be remiss if we didn't pay cultural homage to the original pointless celebrity and sex tape star. I hope she enjoys some kind of campy, ironic resurgence. She still fascinates me.

5. Summer Playlist
Drake or Bob Seger. There's no in between.

And that is all the dispatch we have from planet Joanna for today.

Too heavy to sustain only with your arms

Images from The Scientology Handbook (1994)

The above images (inexplicable without context and probably no less inexplicable with it) are from the 871-page Scientology Handbook, published in 1994 which is currently available for purchase on Amazon. Since reading Amazon reviews has become one of my favorite Internet past times, I've collected some of the more impassioned endorsements/condemnations here:

"Buy this book, use it, read it, live it! You do not have to be a Scientologist for this to work any more that you need to be a physicist for gravity to work!"

"A book easy to to read with beautiful and explaining images. I'm studying it yet.You must read it over a table because it's too heavy to sustain only with your arms."

"The entire educational system should adopt this, and it is so easy you could do it in under a week. The cause of suppression - since reading this I have never had a cold or illness since. There is much more, and this book would make the best gift to a son or daughter heading off to college, or for any adult that is not flourishing."

"In one sentence, my decesion to buy this book was the best decesion I ever made in my life and it helped me become very happy and successful. I am 33, and the Chairman of an Internet Company set to go public."

"Essentially, Scientology is like Candy Crush; the more levels you clear, the more you spend." 

Thanks for the time waster dangerousminds

Living in: Gummo

Harmony Korine's Gummo so completely captures the hopeless meth-fueled despair of the flyover states that you could be forgiven for assuming it's a documentary. A majority of the cast is made up of non-actors chosen by Korine expressly for the telegenic impact of their faces on screen. One of the leads was cast after Korine spotted him on an episode of Sally Jesse Raphael called "My Child Died from Sniffing Paint." So there's a distinct element of art imitating life, and Korine's willingness to tap into that is no mistake. Of working with non professional actors on set, Korine says, "I wanted to show what it was like to sniff glue. I don't want to judge anybody. This is why I have very little interest in working with actors. [Non-actors] can give you what an actor can never give you: pieces of themselves."

He tapped his girlfriend at the time, 90s icon and hipster spirit animal prototype Chloe Sevigny to star and do the costumes. She must have had a blast combing through depressed Middle America Salvation Armies for white trash basics like cargo pants, American flag motifs, and 80s hair band t-shirts.

To get the look: bleach your eyebrows, feather the shit out of your hair, and get your clothes from American Apparel and The Goodwill. Drug habit optional.

Same Same, But Different

Photography by Hans Eijkelboom

In western culture, where you can literally wear anything and call it 'personal expression,' it's interesting to note that a bewilderingly wide swath of the population look like doppelgängers. These pictures were taken over the course of a single day in a single city, and the subjects in them look like they should be performing in mid 90s  all-male chorus lines (the last set being the cast members of the all-male off Broadway revue 'Rollerbladin' Bandits'). What does this say about individuality or personal expression? How is it different from a true uniform? Why do we shop at all?

You should be paying homage to...

The visual opus that is Mariah Carey's video for 'Heartbreaker' was #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 fifteen years ago today. That's 1999 if you're bad at math.

 **If you did not cut off the waistband of your jeans as a direct response to the sartorial influence of this video, you were either not in high school in 1999, or you had extremely poor taste and probably listened to Korn.